We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
