from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
