the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
