You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
