So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
How's work?
Spinning.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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