my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
is it fun? or sober?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
