just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
