i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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