We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
