ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
