I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
