Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
