I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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