I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
