we're chasing vodka with high fives
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just gift wrapped bread.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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