i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
