Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
