are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
