This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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