listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
