worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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