I can feel you judging me through the phone.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
