I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
