I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm too high and old for this...
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
