I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
