Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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