We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
