mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
These tits shall not be calmed
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
