I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
