I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
