i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
And then he peed in my hair
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