You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
