Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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