Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
