I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
