Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
