We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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