im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
third nipple confirmed
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
