I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
