got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
