wat bout pragnant strippers??
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
