i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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