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Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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