I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
