She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
