I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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