Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
