This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
