im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
