Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
It's rum buckets o'clock
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
