My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
