I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
