yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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